My Miracle Baby: A Jagged Road to a New Perspective

I was diagnosed officially with PCOS at age 18. I have dealt with the weight gain, the acne, the hair loss, and the emotional trauma suffered from being unable to feel like a woman in some of the most obvious senses of the word.

Although I went to the same doctor for years, being treated for hypothyroidism and bulimia, it was actually the fact that my aunt was diagnosed with PCOS that led me to research and talk to my doctor about it as well. But I didn't really do anything for treatment until two years later when I started to realize that getting pregnant would not be easy.

As a teenager I developed bulimia as a result of being unable to lose weight after working out, eating healthily, AND being teased constantly. I have since found that there are many doctors who believe there is a connection between bulimia and PCOS. And, having the eating disorder actually slowed my PCOS diagnosis because the doctors were attributing my missed periods to the bulimia.

It's hard dealing with the symptoms both related to fertility and otherwise. It's hard to not feel able to perform basic functions you take for granted as a female, and to feel that you have to struggle constantly to achieve things that come easily to others. I am very lucky to have a wonderfully supportive husband and family.

Matt and I married in February 2002. That May I turned 20 and we began ttc-ing (trying to conceive). I went to one Reproductive Endocrinologist's appointment and was given provera but the next day Matt was laid off and we lost our insurance. So for the next year I had the frustration of being able to do nothing. Additionally, Matt had gone through a bad car accident that left his hand injured so he had to start over in a new career. As a result, we still had no health insurance and our financial situation had changed as well.

In late summer 2003, I was accepted into a clinical study which felt like my last resort. The study put some women on clomid, some on metformin and some on both to see which group had the greatest number of successful pregnancies.

When it was over, I discovered that I had, in fact, been on both medicines for the full six months. I had a period and ovulated each month. But I did not conceive. I still remember sitting in the study office in 2004 and being told that I must have other issues as well as PCOS.

I thought - well, maybe I should just avoid the heartache and consider adoption, and over the next two years, I did just that. While still hoping and praying for a biological child, I began researching adoption, but DH (Dear Husband, Matt) was never fully sold on the idea.

Together, Matt and I decided I needed to distract myself and that we needed a break, so I went back to school. Another year went by and in August of 2007, we found ourselves in a better place financially and with insurance again. We had to make a decision about how to pursue the situation.

Matt told me he wasn't sure he wanted kids anymore and that we should move on and make plans for the rest of our lives. So that September, I went to the doctor and began addressing some of my non-fertility related issues. I was put on a low dose of thyroid medication and fish oil.

I remember feeling like, for the first time in two years I was going to start my period that October and nothing happened. But on New Year's Day I realized I was pregnant. Matt was so happy, he told me it was so hard for him to see how much it was crushing me and that's why he told me he wanted to stop. He figured, that way, our not having children would be his fault for not trying and I could stop blaming myself.

The pregnancy went very smoothly, and I felt better during that time than I have in all my life. A year ago on August 30th, our son, Robert, was born via c-section. I remember the first moment he was put in my arms; it was the most surreal moment I have ever experienced.

Having my son did not change the past six years, nor did it erase the pain, but it dulled it, and put everything into a new perspective. Robert is now nearly a year old, and I am thankful everyday to have him.

Thinking back, I feel that having the stress of conceiving removed was one of the biggest factors in my being able to have our son.

Kristina Hall