My Miracle Baby: Things as they are meant to be

At the age of 27, and as newlyweds, we had been trying to get pregnant for three months with no success. No big deal, you might say, but I still remember seeing the sign for the "Empty Arms Infertility Support Group" on the bulletin board at my ob/gyn office, and I had a sense of foreboding as I waited for that early "well" appointment with that poster staring back at me. I shared this feeling with my then-husband, and he dismissed it as "silly," since we had only been trying for three months.

Fast-forward three years later. We had exhausted the options of clomiphene, and injectable fertility drugs. We were about to embark on our first round of GIFT (Gamete Intra-Fallopian Transfer, similar to IVF). Surely we would achieve our goal by bypassing all the ovulation issues I was apparently having. Sure, we were "investing" thousands of dollars, but we would certainly become parents!

Fast forward another five years. We had undergone multiple IVF attempts with several frozen embryo transfers in between. Nothing but failure every time. I wanted to persevere and continue relentlessly. My husband wanted to stop. We decided to adopt, but the birthmother changed her mind after the baby was born. That process was too painful to repeat, more painful even than the failed pregnancy attempts. Our marriage fell apart. He later filed for an annulment with the Catholic Church, citing "infertility" as the unknown impediment at the time of our marriage.

Unfortunately, I learned that I had PCOS after all of my IVF attempts. I learned that the protocol that had been used could not have worked for PCOS because it did not take into account the underlying hormonal imbalances, and this resulted in low quality embryos. All that heartache and money had been wasted on cycles that were all but impossible to succeed. I was exhausted, both emotionally and financially.

Over the next 8 years, I struggled to accept that I would not be a mother. After so many failures, I decided that I needed to become healthy from the inside out, and really focused my energy on correcting the underlying hormonal issues that plagued me. I truly accepted that I would probably not be a mother, yet I quietly continued my quest without any high-cost all-consuming procedures. No high-tech IVF, no needles. At one point, I selected a "donor" (there was no man in my life), and also began a supplement system that is marketed for PCOS. I showed signs that my hormones were straightening out in the winter of 2008. I felt good too! But I assumed that nothing would happen, conception-wise, as it never had for all those years.

Three months later, at the age of 43, and after 16 years of infertility, I had a positive pregnancy test and a heartbeat on an ultrasound. I couldn't believe it! And of course I still didn't really believe it until I was 6 months along or so. On December 16, 2009, I became a mom to Preston at the age of 44.

I knew things would be difficult as a single (and older) mom, but today as I approach my son's first birthday, I have to say I wouldn't change a thing. He is such a blessing, and I am truly happy with my very small family! My life has not been perfect by any stretch, but my miracle baby is the light of my life! I have to think that things are as they are meant to be. Life does not always go as you expect, and not all families fit the traditional mold. Failures are also rarely final. I thank all of my supporters here at PCOSA who were right there with me as I struggled, and who celebrated with me as I finally found myself as a mom at last.

Christine DeZarn